You Just Might Be Out of Shape If:
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Have you ever heard any of those "you just might be a redneck if," jokes? Well, this is all about, 'You Jus' Might Be Out of Shape If:
You get cramps just thinking about getting out of bed.
You pull a muscle in your shoulder, holding a hammer to nail a
picture on the wall.
You hear "snap, crackle and pop," coming from your
body and not your cereal bowl.
Your git' up and go just sits there as you try to leave and
says, "You're on your own."
You convince yourself that your eyes are muscles too.
You want to negotiate the height of a 'High Five."
You are waiting on a flood before opening the box to your
You think a full workout is exhausting just figuring out how to
get out of working out.
You can't pull apart shopping carts anymore.
You get heavier beer steins, wine and cocktail glasses for
You are tired and worn out from the last brisk sit you had.
are no longer twenty-something worrying about what others think about you and
you are not forty-something when you could have cared less about what others
think of you, yes, you might be out of shape if you are over fifty-something
and discover, no one has been thinking about you at all.
You notice it takes no time to sit down, but a lot longer to
get back up.
You perspire when putting on your socks.
You like the Lawrence Welk exercise program: "And a One-ah
and a Two-ah," and a done-ah! 
You get a nose bleed from just one push up (actually falling on
You can't do sit ups because your stomach is in the way.
You have way too many health, wellness, exercise and fitness
books to ever even think about lifting them.
You think the only things flexible in life are straws.
You may be out of shape, if you have to exercise real early in
the morning, before your body figures it out.
You think stumbling a mile a day, while looking for your glasses
You recognize your high school body on someone else.
You think aerobics is just a series of strenuous exercises
which converts fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.
Your abs of iron are butter balls.
You think that if we are what we eat, eating skinny people will
Your buns of steel have been replaced with cinnamon.
You think exercise is: jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, dodging responsibilities, bending the rules, running down everything or everyone, circulating rumors, passing the buck, stirring up trouble, shooting the bull, digging up dirt, slinging mud, throwing your weight around, beating the system, and pushing your luck. The Yellow Submarine we all live in is, not a sandwich!
It's not the pains in our bodies that keep
us from fitness or stop us from getting fit, itís the lack of gain we lack in
the muscles of our eyes!
Lawrence Welk was an American
musician, accordionist, bandleader, and
television impresario, who hosted The Lawrence Welk Show from 1951
to 1982. His style came to be known to his large number of radio,
television, and live-performance fans (and critics) as "champagne
music." Although he was born in the
The Five Tibetan Rites
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