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You Just Might Be Out of Shape If:

by Dahni

Have you ever heard any of those "you just might be a redneck if," jokes? Well, this is all about, 'You Jus' Might Be Out of Shape If:

You get cramps just thinking about getting out of bed.

You pull a muscle in your shoulder, holding a hammer to nail a picture on the wall.

You hear "snap, crackle and pop," coming from your body and not your cereal bowl.

Your git' up and go just sits there as you try to leave and says, "You're on your own."

You convince yourself that your eyes are muscles too.

You want to negotiate the height of a 'High Five."

You are waiting on a flood before opening the box to your rowing machine.

You think a full workout is exhausting just figuring out how to get out of working out.

You can't pull apart shopping carts anymore.

You get heavier beer steins, wine and cocktail glasses for power lifting.

You are tired and worn out from the last brisk sit you had.

You are no longer twenty-something worrying about what others think about you and you are not forty-something when you could have cared less about what others think of you, yes, you might be out of shape if you are over fifty-something and discover, no one has been thinking about you at all.

You notice it takes no time to sit down, but a lot longer to get back up.

You perspire when putting on your socks.

You like the Lawrence Welk exercise program: "And a One-ah and a Two-ah," and a done-ah! [1]

You get a nose bleed from just one push up (actually falling on your nose)

You can't do sit ups because your stomach is in the way.

You have way too many health, wellness, exercise and fitness books to ever even think about lifting them.

You think the only things flexible in life are straws.

You may be out of shape, if you have to exercise real early in the morning, before your body figures it out.

You think stumbling a mile a day, while looking for your glasses is, exercise.

You recognize your high school body on someone else.

You think aerobics is just a series of strenuous exercises which converts fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.

Your abs of iron are butter balls.

You think that if we are what we eat, eating skinny people will help.

Your buns of steel have been replaced with cinnamon.

You think exercise is: jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, dodging responsibilities, bending the rules, running down everything or everyone, circulating rumors, passing the buck, stirring up trouble, shooting the bull, digging up dirt, slinging mud, throwing your weight around, beating the system, and pushing your luck.

The Yellow Submarine we all live in is, not a sandwich!

It's not the pains in our bodies that keep us from fitness or stop us from getting fit, it’s the lack of gain we lack in the muscles of our eyes! SEE IT BIG!

We are never to old to be well

We are never too young that we will not age

We were born to live and made to love - make it a lifestyle!

Get Your Shape In Shape!

Let's Dance!

[1] Lawrence Welk was an American musician, accordionist, bandleader, and television impresario, who hosted The Lawrence Welk Show from 1951 to 1982. His style came to be known to his large number of radio, television, and live-performance fans (and critics) as "champagne music." Although he was born in the United States , he spoke with a German accent.

The Five Tibetan Rites

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